Bad Feeling Days
We’ve all heard of “bad hair days,” but has anyone heard of a “bad feeling day?” I’ve never known anyone to use the phrase before, and yet nearly every person experiences the occasional day when, no matter what they do to feel better, they just feel cranky. Those are what I call bad feeling days.
Believe it or not, even happiness coaches have bad feeling days. We know the principles that help us maintain consistent feelings of happiness and emotional wellness, but sometimes things happen that throw us off balance. Yesterday was one of those days for me. Here’s what happened:
I was supposed to go to lunch with a friend who periodically contacts me when he is in trouble. I’ll admit that I almost didn’t accept his invitation because he has a history of making appointments and then not showing up. I wondered if he would do that again, and then I chided myself for entertaining the thought. I chose instead to focus on the fact that he – like every human being – deserves a chance to reach his full potential. I know he can if only he can break from the victim story he constantly tells himself.
I made the appointment and even allotted an extra hour of my time just in case he showed up late – which he tends to do when he actually does appear. Then, about two hours before we were supposed to meet, I get a text from my friend. He wanted to know if he could postpone our lunch by an hour. I agreed, thinking that it was a good thing I had planned for that exact scenario.
I didn’t hear back from him, so I went to the appointment at the new time. He wasn’t there when I arrived, so I waited. And waited. And waited. I sent several texts, no reply. After 30 minutes, I left, feeling very upset. He had done it again. I blocked off three hours of my day (to allow for travel time, him being late, and actually having lunch), and he didn’t even have the decency to let me know that he wouldn’t make it.
Needless to say, I was cranky, and I stayed cranky for the rest of the afternoon. I did my best to release my anger, but I couldn’t. I meditated, I tried The Sedona Method, I tried EFT, I accepted and allowed. None of it worked because I didn’t want it to work. I wanted to wallow in my feelings, and I kept riding the bitch train until I couldn’t stand it anymore. When I finally decided to pull the emergency brake, I asked myself what I could learn from my experience. Here are my answers:
- YOU ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU EXPECT. I expected my friend to be a no-show, and that’s exactly what happened. The expectation dominated my thoughts throughout the morning until it became a reality. As my mentor Mike Dooley says, “Thoughts become things.” Our expectations always turn into our realities – both positive and negative. I’ve seen this principle at work too many times for me to ignore it, but I still need periodic reminders. I got one yesterday.
- IF WE HAVE A VICTIM STORY WE REFUSE TO LET GO, WE WILL SAY AND DO THINGS TO REINFORCE THAT STORY. My acquaintance’s victim story is that everyone rejects him. This story is so ingrained into his thinking he doesn’t realize that he deliberately acts in ways that pushes people away. He either quits or gets fired from every job he has, he treats his girlfriends so poorly they break up with him, and he will pull stunts like the one he pulled with me yesterday. The list goes on, but you get the point. Every time someone gets fed up and tells him where to go, he gets to be right. He gets to say, “See? Everybody rejects me!”
- KNOWING SOMEONE’S VICTIM STORY HELPS US BREAK THE CYCLE. This includes our own victim stories. In the case of my friend, his actions were designed to upset me. My friend understands that such an egregious breach of protocol would leave most people enraged, and that after multiple incidents, most people would tell him to f*#@ off. But I know that if I do that, I will be buying into his victim story, reinforcing it further. I therefore continue to accept invitations from him, knowing full well what the potential consequences could be. I refuse to be an actor in his tale. Why? Because I know that someday, my refusal to reject him could very well be the life preserver he needs to keep from drowning in a sea of negative thoughts and emotions.
Did I have a bad feeling day? Yes. Did I learn something valuable? Absolutely. What I learned is that bad feeling days help us gain clarity, and when we have clarity, we’re able to make better choices. Those choices include thinking thoughts that serve us. Source knows how to get us to our place of happiness and passion the fastest way possible, which means that sometimes we’re not going to feel so good. So don’t berate yourself if you have a bad feeling day. Look at it as a gift, a gift that enables you to ask questions and get answers that would not have come any other way.
About the Author
Appio Hunter is an author, speaker, spiritual guide, and self-described champion for living joyously. He uses his seminars and workshops to facilitate conversations about authenticity, alignment, and the daily experience of community, connection, and joy. Appio is also a weekly columnist with The Good Men Project and co-host of the Real Men Feel Show along with his good friend Andy Grant.